I found this list online. I think it's funny. Rather funny indeed.
You can lead a horse to water, but Jack Bauer can make it drink.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says becuase if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
It would only take 1 bullet to kill 50 Cent.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless telephone
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
When you come face to face with Jack Bauer, you can do things the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is ingesting your cyanide pill.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
While being put under in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
They had to change a street name from Jack Bauer to something else because people kept dying. Why? Because nobody crosses Jack Bauer and lives
Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack
fucking Bauer.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.
The real reason the Army ditched the Army of One campaign? Jack Bauer sued for copy right infringement.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Every time Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
Jack Bauer won the Indianapolis 500 in a rickshaw pulled by Chuck Norris.
Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours
The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer
Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
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