Oh how I've been singing that song lately. For the last 10 days I've been laid up with a pretty serious case of shin splints, serious enough that I was worried a stress fracture was on board and I nearly went to Avalon for x-rays. But a solid week of nothing but office work and no running has left me feeling much better. My shins are almost back to normal, and I've been working hard to rehab them with stretches and strength building exercises.
What really gripes me is that it was my own fault. I waited to long to buy a new pair of running shoes and the wear on the cushioning in the old ones led to my injury. So I've been left to my own devices in terms of being active. I've done some rowing up and down the bay, enough so to start calling the dinghy I row in "Spicy Peanut" in honor of my favorite salad dressing.
And then I've been taking swims in the bay. I finally got some swim goggles (not scuba mask) which helps keep my fear of swimming things under control. When I dive I don't really have any fear of things in the water, but when I'm swimming on the surface and can't see what's below me I get very nervous. Enough so that I will have to talk myself up to get into shore without panicking. So I'm very glad that I have got some goggles. Swimming is such a relaxing exercise on top of being so good for you. I always feel great when I come out of a swim.
I'm looking forward to the start of summer. Spring has been an interesting season. I'm progressing along with my Divemaster professional training, it's quite hard and I'm learning how to work with students in lots of different settings. It's weird though when the students you're supposed to be working with are people that are older than you. Watching new diver ego is always funny to me. I saw the same thing in marching band. You get people who have a little experience and they thing that they are the "end-all". So I've taken the same stance when it comes to my diving that I had back then, and that's to shut up and put up. It's walking the walk.
I have always trusted in the notion that if you show up and do your job to the best of your ability and don't make a fuss about your "skills" then you will be rewarded in the end. Call it "quiet perseverance" or whatever you want, but it's been my experience that even though you may not think anyone notices you or the good work you are doing, you are probably wrong.
Speaking of noticing, for a purely selfish reason I have been cooking a lot more lately. I've been trying to get the attention of a boat captain that comes through camp quite often and short of throwing up a large sign that says, "Hey let's get to know each other better" I've been wracking my brain to come up with a distinct way of setting myself apart from the other folks who are around when he comes in.
Finally I decided to play up my strengths. For starters I gave him an entire loaf of Challah that I had made on my day off. I always make two loaves so giving one away is never a problem. He really liked it. Turns out he went to culinary school, so in the spirit I've been making lots of things to give him when he comes to town. In addition to the bread there have been pumpkin butter filled hamentaschen, and a jar of roasted red bell peppers packed in olive oil and garlic. Some might point and laugh at my following the old addage that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but I like cooking, and I like that he appreciates what I give him. So I guess we will see what happens next.
Speaking of next, I've been thinking about where I want to go once I leave camp. Seems like I haven't been here that long but it's been almost a year and I like to have a plan for what to do next. I have a few options, but the one I am most considering is going back to school for science writing. Been working on familiarizing myself with the work and practicing. I'm looking to go to University of British Columbia. Mostly I want to be settled somewhere again.
There are times when I feel really lonely. Even though these days I am surrounded by people and it's a challenge to get any time to myself. It's funny how in the midst of all this noise I can sometimes feel alone and adrift. It doesn't happen so often that it worries. Just small moments. I was thinking one night on the notion that I don't particularly miss one place more than other anymore, but what I miss is a life I had that was stable. A community that was strong and gave me a place to belong. Traditions and people I held on to because knowing the past gave me a foundation for my future. But now I wonder, in my current state of being, am I becoming an island?
While I'm left pondering my existential self, I do my best to support the economy and get rid of my tax return checks. In other words, I've bought some stuff. Things I needed, and some things purely for fun. Most notable was a new dress from Patagonia (pictured). A dress that I am simply in love with. I put it on and the way it fits makes me feel powerful. It's like a secret weapon the way this dress makes me feel.
