Just a reminder that I am in now way ready to start a family, I've been watching a girl from Two Harbors for the last day and all I want is some time to myself. I mean, the kid is around all the time. And that's what happens when you have a kiddo. Plus she doesn't like bees. Or at least freaks out about them every time they come within six feet of her. And she wanted to talk about make up and stuff..............yeah.
Maybe I'm super burned out by the whole summer and the last thing I needed was to babysit for part of the week. I mean, I could be taking a nap during the several hours that I'm expected to entertain the little nugget. Granted she's a nice enough girl, has a lot of spunk, curious, all those good things, but I just didn't really want this I guess....Can I send her home early? Probably not. Actually definitely not.
Well, here's to looking forward to fall when I'll be able to proper study for the GRE, stop teaching the same things over and over again, and really get some time off. Yay fall!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
breaking in the tri
Every year the alumni from camp come back for a weekend of reminiscing and reveling. Included is the alumni triathalon, a collection of swim, kayak, and run stints. Around a half mile swim, half mile kayak, and 2.6 mile run of fun. Last year I didn't think I was capable of finishing, so at the time I decided that this year I was going to do it. And I did.
Except there was a point in the course where I almost threw up. And then where I almost sat down and stopped. There were moments when I didn't think I could do it. On the back half of the run I couldn't find it to finish. There was to much road, I was to tired, my legs hurt to much, I'd never done anything like this, I wasn't fast enough, I was to fat, a million different things going through my head telling me to stop. What was I doing anyways? Why was I putting myself through this?
About a half mile from the finish I stopped and stopped over, my hands on my knees and tears welling up in my eyes. It wasn't a super hard course. Certainly nothing like what real competitors come across. But I was beat. I'd been had. I'd somehow convinced myself that I was capable when I obviously wasn't. I closed my eyes as tight as I could and took a deep breath. When I opened them again I was staring at my grandpa's dog tag laced into my left shoe. I keep it on my running shoes to remind me to never give up.
Never give up. Even if I came in dead last in the middle of the night I should not give up. I reached down and tapped the tag with my finger, giving the old man a hello but I'm sure he was right there pushing me down the road. I stood up, pushed my shoulders back, and started my way down through camp towards the pier.
I cried when I broke the make-shift toilet paper tape, I cried when I went back to the house to change. I cried when I realized what I'd done. I'd almost given in to that voice in my head, the one that's kept me back, the one that's acted out of fear. But in a horrendous moment of physical weakness I'd mustered what courage I had left in me to ignore that voice and press forward.
Today I'm proud of myself for shutting off that switch and listening to the tiniest glimmer that I could do it. I can see the pride in my eyes when I think about it, know that I may have been at the back, but I am one step closer to shutting up that voice in my head that's been saying 'I can't'.
Except there was a point in the course where I almost threw up. And then where I almost sat down and stopped. There were moments when I didn't think I could do it. On the back half of the run I couldn't find it to finish. There was to much road, I was to tired, my legs hurt to much, I'd never done anything like this, I wasn't fast enough, I was to fat, a million different things going through my head telling me to stop. What was I doing anyways? Why was I putting myself through this?
About a half mile from the finish I stopped and stopped over, my hands on my knees and tears welling up in my eyes. It wasn't a super hard course. Certainly nothing like what real competitors come across. But I was beat. I'd been had. I'd somehow convinced myself that I was capable when I obviously wasn't. I closed my eyes as tight as I could and took a deep breath. When I opened them again I was staring at my grandpa's dog tag laced into my left shoe. I keep it on my running shoes to remind me to never give up.
Never give up. Even if I came in dead last in the middle of the night I should not give up. I reached down and tapped the tag with my finger, giving the old man a hello but I'm sure he was right there pushing me down the road. I stood up, pushed my shoulders back, and started my way down through camp towards the pier.
I cried when I broke the make-shift toilet paper tape, I cried when I went back to the house to change. I cried when I realized what I'd done. I'd almost given in to that voice in my head, the one that's kept me back, the one that's acted out of fear. But in a horrendous moment of physical weakness I'd mustered what courage I had left in me to ignore that voice and press forward.
Today I'm proud of myself for shutting off that switch and listening to the tiniest glimmer that I could do it. I can see the pride in my eyes when I think about it, know that I may have been at the back, but I am one step closer to shutting up that voice in my head that's been saying 'I can't'.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
3 miles, 31:52
Back on the road after defeating the flu and I feel pretty good this morning. Two weeks off did a world of good for my health and I'm ready to get back to work. Despite it being colder than normal last night it was still a pretty hot run this morning. I've found that I have to get out before 6 (mostly it's 5:55 but that's still pre-6!) or else I just get to hot on a run. Maybe it's a mental thing. Some would say so. Tim certainly would.
We went to Avalon over the weekend to see Kenny Loggins, but couldn't get in. So many shenanigans ensued. It was great fun though. Took a bunch of pictures, but here's Tim and I in front of the Casino looking like a regular couple of tourists.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
one-upping myself
I think I outdid myself this week.
Every Tuesday we have an activity called MLV where we march down the pier and then jump off in full uniform. After frolicking in the water for a few minutes we climb up onto the temporary ez-docks and proceed to engage in dock wars. Dock wars is pretty self explanatory. If you're standing on the dock, someone is going to try to push you off. So you should push them off first. Simple as that.
But here's the catch. As is predicted, most people don't want to go in the water. So it becomes a bit of a fight. Some fight more than others. For reasons unknown to me, I decided to throw off people who fought the most. And throw them I did. Typically the senior staff (18+) join together and dominate over the junior staff, bowling them off the docks and generally kicking ass and taking names.
Being the short person that I am, I tend to think that I am taller and so therefor decide it would be a good idea to pick fights with people who tend to be bigger than me. I tend to be pretty successful in my battles by employing a strategy of dropping the person to the deck and then shoving them in. It's worked quite well in the past.
There is a downside though, and that is that I tend to get pretty roughed up. I think I need to lay off next week because this week I am covered in bruises, I can barely life my arms up, and I have a huge gash on my knee. Not to mention my broken toe was smashed again yesterday and someone heeled me in my right foot leaving a giant bruise in the middle of my foot.
Yeah, probably time to back off.
Every Tuesday we have an activity called MLV where we march down the pier and then jump off in full uniform. After frolicking in the water for a few minutes we climb up onto the temporary ez-docks and proceed to engage in dock wars. Dock wars is pretty self explanatory. If you're standing on the dock, someone is going to try to push you off. So you should push them off first. Simple as that.
But here's the catch. As is predicted, most people don't want to go in the water. So it becomes a bit of a fight. Some fight more than others. For reasons unknown to me, I decided to throw off people who fought the most. And throw them I did. Typically the senior staff (18+) join together and dominate over the junior staff, bowling them off the docks and generally kicking ass and taking names.
Being the short person that I am, I tend to think that I am taller and so therefor decide it would be a good idea to pick fights with people who tend to be bigger than me. I tend to be pretty successful in my battles by employing a strategy of dropping the person to the deck and then shoving them in. It's worked quite well in the past.
There is a downside though, and that is that I tend to get pretty roughed up. I think I need to lay off next week because this week I am covered in bruises, I can barely life my arms up, and I have a huge gash on my knee. Not to mention my broken toe was smashed again yesterday and someone heeled me in my right foot leaving a giant bruise in the middle of my foot.
Yeah, probably time to back off.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
sidelined
For the last week or so I've been on forced time-off due to a horrendous cold. For some reason it decided to crawl into my sinuses and settle down for a little while. I'm on the upswing for sure, but my weekend was spent cloistered in my bed despite there being several things that needed my attention. All the extra sleep and general rest did me a world of good as the fever I was running late last week has disappeared and now I've only got to beat this deep chest cough to call myself healthy again.
Taking time off from running has been good too. It's given my body a chance to focus all it's energy on getting healthy. I'm still a little to weak to fully give myself over to the road, as yesterday I went for a quick swim and after only 10 laps was feeling pretty well tired out. I'll get back out to business when I feel I can. But it may be next week.
Adding to the stress of being sick I've finally bitten the bullet and registered myself for the GRE (Graduate Record Exam). It's basically the SAT's for graduate school, but it's not something I'm going to enjoy. In fact, whenever I tell someone I'm taking the GRE this fall they make a face like they've just eaten something awful. I call it the "bad taste face". Really, it doesn't inspire much confidence when people have such a reaction to something that I have to do.
But not only do I have to take the general GRE, I have to take the subject test as well. The subject test is a 200 multiple choice question exam on everything biology related. In my study guides it details the sections regarding plants. I hate plants. I haven't studied plants in almost six years, and even then it was because I was dragged into it kicking and screaming.
So with everything as it is now, I can't wait to get back to running. I so desperately need a time to focus on one thing for a fixed period of time. But for now, it's time for more Emergen-C and sudafed to banish these cold germs.
Taking time off from running has been good too. It's given my body a chance to focus all it's energy on getting healthy. I'm still a little to weak to fully give myself over to the road, as yesterday I went for a quick swim and after only 10 laps was feeling pretty well tired out. I'll get back out to business when I feel I can. But it may be next week.
Adding to the stress of being sick I've finally bitten the bullet and registered myself for the GRE (Graduate Record Exam). It's basically the SAT's for graduate school, but it's not something I'm going to enjoy. In fact, whenever I tell someone I'm taking the GRE this fall they make a face like they've just eaten something awful. I call it the "bad taste face". Really, it doesn't inspire much confidence when people have such a reaction to something that I have to do.
But not only do I have to take the general GRE, I have to take the subject test as well. The subject test is a 200 multiple choice question exam on everything biology related. In my study guides it details the sections regarding plants. I hate plants. I haven't studied plants in almost six years, and even then it was because I was dragged into it kicking and screaming.
So with everything as it is now, I can't wait to get back to running. I so desperately need a time to focus on one thing for a fixed period of time. But for now, it's time for more Emergen-C and sudafed to banish these cold germs.
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